Baby it's cold outside

It can be hard to believe, but it's actually pretty cold in Thailand right now. It's winter, which would usually mean it being a few degrees cooler and very dry. I was here the same time last year and I was so sweaty and hot the whole time. Now in Bangkok it only gets as low as around 14'C. People are wearing jumpers and scarves! Even I have been getting chilly at night time and reaching for a cardigan.

But up north and to the north east, things are much colder. Like below zero colder. You might think it's funny that people are cold in Thailand but it's really no laughing matter. Poorer Thai people are not at all equip for the cold. They generally won't have blankets or a mattress and their houses are usually a combination of corrugated iron and thatch. People are actually freezing to death. The cold snap has claimed 3 lives already including monk. Several places have been declared disaster zones. It's crazy.

It seemed like it was warmer in Bangkok today do hopefully this cold snap will be over soon before more lives are lost. It's really, really sad.

It's good to be King

Not Elvis silly! King Bhumibol Adulyadej, the King of Thailand! a few weeks ago it was his 81st birthday (meant to write this post much much earlier!). All of Thailand turns yellow to celebrate it, as that is his colour. It's pretty amazing. Everyone in Thailand loves him. He is almost a religion is his own right. This year, he was too sick to attend hi birthday celebration. His Son and daughter came instead. Some of my friends work at the palace school where the ceremony is held and they said people were devastated. Thai's had travelled from all over the country to see him. People were crying and consoling each other, not because they missed out on seeing him, but because he was sick. That's how much they love him.

He's the 9th Rama of Thailand. He's 81 years old and has been reigning for 60 years! WOAH! That makes him the longest reigning living Monarch. He actually took over from his brother, who died suddenly (and a little mysteriously depending on who you talk to) when he was 20. Rama really is a king of the people. In his younger days, he was actively involved in a lot of charity work and would actually get out to visit they people and see things for himself. He's also a very progressive thinker and helped make Bangkok a little more modern with the introduction on the BTS system. Rama 9 also banned logging in Thailand and since then the forested areas have gone from 20% to 30%. Once they reach 40%, elephants can start being re-released into the wild! He has done so many good things for Thailand.

Oh he's also a great musician and there are several radio station devoted to playing just the music he has composed and performed. He has also help to raise awareness for the plight of soi dogs in Thailand by adopting his very own in the hopes it will encourage Thais to do the same.



Sadly, he spends a lot of his time these days at Hua Hin, an affluent area on the coast. He's been pretty unwell for a while now. He has to use a walker. I am glad I'm leaving Thailand before he dies (fingers cross). His son is quite unpopular with the people. He is apparently a bit of a philanderer. They would rather one of the princesses take the throne as they have continued his charity work and seem to have Thailand's best interests at heart. The law has recently been changed so the princesses can assume the throne so there might be hope for the royal family yet! But there will be immense amounts of grieving is Thailand when the King passes away. If you work for the palace, you have to wear black for a year. Many people in Thailand will do the same to show respect for him. It's very touching.

If you come to Thailand you will see pictures of him everywhere. Every home will have one at the very least. Try to refrain from pointing at pictures of the royal family and don't speak badly about them in public. You could very easily offend a Thai person who overhears you. It's like insulting a member of their family!

After all, he is the father of modern Thailand.

HA HA HA

(this photo was too disturbing not to post!)

There is a funny little joke in Thailand that amuses me. In Australia, we tend to use LOL when we think something is funny (not me. I hate text talk but anyways!). But in Thailand if something is funny they write this: 555

Why you ask?

Because 5 in Thailand is Ha. So 555 = Ha Ha Ha!!! I think it's awesome! This doesn't even really warrant it's own post but I couldn't think of another place to slip it in. So there you have it! Now your in on the joke if your Thai friend sends you a message!

555!!!

Pudt Pasa Ungrit Mai Ka

Thai is one hell of a confusing language. I am probably the last person who should be writing about this because my Thai is about on par with a two year old. But I wish I'd read up on it a little more before I came instead just picking up a Teach Yourself Thai! (the exclamation is needed. These things always seem to want to make you super excited about learning and of course, that's the best way to do it) CD and hoping for the best. I did want to try and get conversational before I left but I found it difficult to make Thai friends in my situation so I kinda lost the motivation. Also, it's so easy for foreigners here because English is everywhere. I'll admit it, I was just too darn lazy. Plus the chances of me ever using it again are pretty much slim to none.

Like I said, Thai is a confusing language. It's tonal to begin with, which means different tones on different parts of the same word mean different things. You might think you're asking for rice but you're actually talking about your leg. There are also quite a few sounds that we don't really make in the English language like bp, dt, ng and bpl. There are also long and short vowels that differentiate words. Plus, there are masculine and feminine words, most the ending of sentences, krup for men and ka for women. Crazy times! I know your probably thinking"OH GOD! run away! run away now!". But fear not! Here are some tips and tricks I have picked up that should make learning Thai a little easier for you.

1. Learn to read it before you speak it.

Thai, unlike a lot of Asian languages (Chinese=OMG ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY! You do not need 3000 letters!) has an alphabet. The characters are crazy and look really confusing but are easy once you know what they all stand for. There are 59 letters and 4 tones. The vowels (there are 15) are combined together to make various vowel sounds (oua, oi etc. They are not all pronounced the same as in English). I would recommend getting a pocket sized book and carrying it with you everywhere and try and read everything! You might not understand what everything means but to will give you and idea of the sentence structures and you will learn new word, things like exit and or no smoking that you see everyday. They might not always be useful but everything helps!

2. Count everything.

The most important thing to learn in Thai is numbers as far as I'm concerned. So make this one of the first things you learn, along with the obvious hello, thank you etc. And when you do, count everything. I would count my steps as I was walking, my strokes in the swimming pool, the amount of people on the train EVERYTHING! Some Thai people probably thought I was cray on the few occasions I would count out loud "neung, sorng, sahm, see, ha". I found this really helpful in remembering it all.

3. When you learn a word, use it!

This is the biggest struggle for me. I do not have a head for languages. I would spend an hour a day when I first got here jabbering along with the CD and as soon as I stopped, I'd already forgotten everything! But, if I use things that I learn straight away, I find I retain it a lot better. For example, I have no idea how to say where is the toilet, but I can ask where the Chinese embassy is, because I used that. I doubt this is the same for everybody and that I'm just a little slow with languages but I thought I'd throw it in anyway.

4. Make Thai friends.

And just talk to people in general. They are usually thrilled that you want to learn their language and are happy to help. Don't be disheartened if people giggle at you when you try and speak Thai. I am assured that they just think you're cute. Speaking Thai with Thais is also the best way to learn the language properly. I find that CDs and the such like teach a very formal version of Thai that no one really uses.

Here are a couple of words you will definetly need in Thailand. Please keep in mind that Thai people generally will not understand Thai written in English letters.

No = Mai krup/ka (m/f)
Yes = krup/ka (m/f)
Hello = Sawatdee krup/ka (m/f)
Thank you = Kup kun krup/ka (m/f)
Turn left = Leo sai
Turn right = Leo kwa
Go straight = Dtong bai
How much? = Tow lai krup/ka (m/f)
Don't want! = Mai ow!
Drinking water please = Kor nam pow krup/ka (m/f)

This is referred to as taxi Thai or tourist Thai because it's usually all foreigner pick up when they are here. Another little thing to remember is it's always polite to end your sentences with krup/ka. I hope this has been helpful for anyone wanting to learn Thai. I'm no expert but these are all the things I've found that made it that little bit easier.

I wish I'd known!!!! Chinese visa HELL!

I just spent this morning in the hell that is the Chinese embassy in Bangkok. I thought I'd share my experience with you because I wish I'd known before I got there. Mr A and I are going to China at the beginning of December and obviously need visas, hence why I went to purgatory.

Before I start, I'll just say that the actual visa process is easy. You have to wait for an hour or so but it's simple and straight forward. You need one photo and a passport and a single entry is 1100 baht. You pay when you pick it up. Easy.

Getting there is not so easy. The address on the website it not entirely accurate. It says 57 Ratchdapiasek Road when it should actually tell you it's on the corner of Ratchda and Soi 3. I spent an extra 10 minutes in the taxi trying to work this out. It also didn't help that the driver kept insisting I was going to a hotel or condo when I'd told him (in terrible Thai) that I was going to the embassy. The actual embassy is on the right of Soi 3 but the building that you get your visa is on the left. I managed to pick up two other lost foreigners who were trying to find it as well. We walked in together and the security guard flashed us the smile that I've come to know all too well. It says "Here come another bunch of suckers".

"You here for visa?" he said. We nodded. He asked to see our passports, which I thought was a bit odd but assumed they perhaps recorded the name of everyone who goes in and out. It is the embassy after all. After ascertaining our nationalities, he gave us the visa forms and said "He'd sort it out for us". I was starting to smell a rip off. I got about half way don't filling out my form and he tried to stop me, and the other guys I was with, from filling out the rest saying "I will do, I will fix.". I told him politely that I would like to fill out the rest of my form thank you. Then 3 or 4 other guys came in all trying to take our forms and passports. "We fix, we fix! No problem!!". I asked them at this point how much the visas were. The said 2000 baht, 900 baht more than I knew it was supposed to be. I told them no and asked for another form for Mr A. The guy grabbed a form for me and then grabbed the passports off me, without me even having filled out Mr A's info and told me to come back in 4 days and that would be 4000baht thanks. Well I snatched them right back and told him I wanted to do it myself. As if I'm going to give a complete stranger my passport and pay an extra 900 baht ($35AUD) for the privilege!!! He shot me a absolutely filthy look and told me to go upstairs. Which I promptly did!

This wasn't on the street. This was inside the embassy, the security guard of the embassy no less! What the deuce!!! Luckily I've lived here long enough to smell a con coming but I can't imagine how many tourists they dupe everyday, pocketing 900 baht from each rip off. Ridiculous! It made me so mad!

I know this is a really boring post but it's something I really wish I'd been aware of before I went. If I can save one person from the rip off I'll be happy. Just remember, if it seems dodgy or to good to be true, in Bangkok, is definitely is.

Don't!

Before you visit any country, you should do a little research to find out about the culture and see if there is anything you do that might offend or be illegal. Here are a few you should be aware of.

1. Don't point your feet at Buddha or anyone for that matter. Feet are considered the lowest, dirtiest party of the body so to point them is considered especially rude and disrespectful. Inversely, don't touch people on the head, the highest and holiest part of the body.

2. Don't touch monks, especially if you're a woman. If you want to give a monk something, give it to a male companion first and get him to pass it on. Also, always let them go before you and offer them space to stand on the ferry.

3. Don't be naked. This seems like a no brainer but I still see naked peeps every time I go to the beach. Thais, despite the stereotype as a highly sexualized nation, are generally very conservative about their bodies. Public nakedness is a big no no. So when you go to the gym, don't get changed in front of everyone. There are little change rooms you can go into. And for heavens sake! Don't sun bake topless at the beach. I know you don't want tan lines but get over it. Tanning is bad for you anyway. I am talking about guys here too though! I see men (hairy, sweaty, fat men at that) walking around with no shirt on. This is also offensive.

4. Don't point at pictures of the King or talk about the royal family in public. Everyone, and I mean everyone, in Thailand loves the King. Pointing at him is considered rude and talking about the family is actually illegal. If you must point out a picture of the King (they are everywhere) use an open palmed gesture.

5. Don't bring in anything related to "The King and I". Strange I know and I have no idea why you'd bring anything unless you're a die hard fan that can't live without it, but anything to do with the King and I is illegal here. It portrays Rama IV or Phrabat Somdet Phra Poramen Maha Mongkut, Phra Chom Klao Chaoyouhua and was very shocking when it first came out in Thailand because of it's inaccurate portrayal of the King and his relationship with a foreigner.

6. Don't litter, spit or drop cigarette butts, even if you see Thai people doing it. It's very illegal and you'll get a nasty fine if a policeman sees you. Plus it's dirty anyway and gives foreigners a bad name.

7. Don't dress like a skanky hoochie Mamma or a complete Bogan at temples. You MUST cover up at temples. So pants and shirts that cover your shoulders are required. Women AND men!!

8. Don't do drugs mmmkay. They are really, really, REALLY illegal here.

And just generally be polite and friendly not a stupid, loud, ignorant tourist. There are far too many here already!

Creepy!

Photo by sujathafan

Bangkok has a pretty big Indian population, especially around Nana where I live. Which means there is a lot of delicious Indian food near me! YUM! I also find Indian people very friendly and interesting. I'd love to go there one day.

But I have had a problem with some weird Indian guys here. It happened the first time in MBK (a huge shopping centre). I was just coming out of the donut store with snacks for myself and my friends who were in the adjacent store when this Indian in a turban (nothing quite as fabulous as the gentleman in the photo) approached me.

"Excuse me madam" he said "On the outside you look healthy and happy but on the inside you are not well."
I was too shocked to say anything and he kept going. "You are going to get very sick and die soon. Your heart is also not happy. Would you like to go take a seat and talk about your life."

At this point I managed to splutter out "No thank you. I'm with my friends" and went to walk away. But the guy blocks me and says "Excuse me but we are talking about your life not you friends". I got really mad and told him that I didn't feel comfortable talking about my life with a complete stranger and push passed him back to my friends. I got quite upset by it and rally creeped out. I calmed down by the next day and forgot about it.

Since that day, this has happened to me half a dozen times. Always young Indian men wearing turbans, always telling me I'm sad on the inside. I just shrug it off now. But as it turns out, similar things have happened to all my foreign friends here. It happened again to me today.

Does anyone know what these guys are about? They are seriously creepy!!! I'd like to know why they say this sort of stuff to people.

Phuk-it.

My sister decided not to come to Bangkok (and we weren’t sure if we would even still be here when she booked it) when she and her partner D came to Thailand. So we had to visit her at her holiday destination of choice, Phuket. It luckily coincided with the Queen’s birthday public holiday so Mr A took an extra day or two off work and we headed on down to tourist mecca.

I was pretty jazzed about seeing my sister. We’re not super close but still get on a lot better now than we used to. Hanging out with her and D is always interesting. They are the epitome of opposites attract. You practically have to use a crow bar to get a conversation out of D but you’d swear my sister only breathes so she can keep talking. She never, ever shuts up. I think that’s why she and D work so well. He likes to listen and she likes to talk. All.the.time.

Phuket is somewhat of an Australian institution, especially for Western Australians. It is probably the most popular place to visit, perhaps only behind Bali, because is it cheap, both to get to and once you are actually there. It’s only a 7 hour flight to, which is about as long as it takes to get from one side of Oz to the other so why wouldn’t you go?

Here's why: it's horrible! I have never felt so uncomfortable being somewhere in my whole life. We got to Patong where we were staying and I almost went into shock. Neon signs, go go bars, people hawking things on the street and filth everywhere, hardly the picturesque beach get away I was expecting. It was even smellier than Bangkok (when I got back I was so happy to breathe in the air, which is hilarious because Bangkok air is still disgusting by any ones standard). And there were no Thai people. All the stand were run by Indians who are very aggressive (more on this later).

Our hotel was pretty nice compared to the places we usually stay but was still only just worth it for what we paid. We got it on special because it was the low season and they were renovating tho pool. Luckily my sisters hotel had three huge pools otherwise we would have died. We got free breakfast as well, which was pretty horrible and tasteless, which was sad because I love free breakfast. But ham sitting in a baine marie full of water was just not appealing. The best thing about the place in my mind were the photos they had of the lobby of the damage done by the Tsunami in 2004. The lobby was completely gutted. There were cars and giant logs and so many other bits of crazy junk. It's amazing how well everything has been rebuilt.

You might ask why it was a problem not having a swimming pool when we were surrounded by the beach. Well there are several reasons:

1. It is the off season so the weather is a little cooler and the water is really choppy;

2. You can't go near Patong Beach without being constantly harassed by people to hire jetskiis, cars and motorbikes, to get massages, hair platting and manicures and to go parasaling and on various diving tours and Elephant treks. It is so completely annoying;

3. The water is filthy.

We found one great beach on the other end of the island called Paradise Beach. It was a private beach so you paid 60 baht to stay there but it is worth it. We also found this great waterfall to swim in. We hired a little yellow jeep for a day and drove it around (the only truly nice day me and Mr A had). We went to gibbon reserve as well which was lovely. Gibbons are my favourite primate and this place was lovely. Not at all tacky. They take gibbons off people who have bought them illegally for pets, rehabilitate them and release them. You couldn't hold them or pat them which is unusual here. Then we walked up to the waterfall which was simply breathtaking. The water was so clear and cold and refreshing. There were all these Thai high school kids there wagging and smoking. It was so funny. Most of them were swimming in their uniforms. A couple of the kids were jumping off the rocks into this tiny little bit of water that was deeper than the rest. It was crazy. It was such a lovely way to cool off after a long day driving.

Sadly we had to go back to the real world. We went out that night to the main night life area. There are bars there for every nationality. Swedish, German, Arab and of course, English and Australian. If you like getting shitface drunk every night then I guess Phuket is for you. The drinks are pretty cheap. I didn't really like it. Too many drunk idiots! And people everywhere trying to get you to go to see ping pong shows (I have been in Bangkok, you only really need to see it once). They are really aggressive and wont leave you alone. There was also a guy with a very sick looking iguana who would sneak up behind you, put it on your shoulders, take a picture and then demand money. Gross. The only awesome thing were the Kathoey. They are at a whole new level in Phuket. They get dressed up in all their finest frippery and head out on the town. You can take photos with them for 20 baht. They are AMAZING.

The food is okay in Phuket. Western food is blah as usual*. But if you search around you can find some great Thai. If you like seafood (I don't) you can get it ridiculously cheap here. If you are sick of it there are all the usual fast food outlets around if you really feel the need (like my sister who had Maccas 5 times).

*side note: you are way more likely to get food poisoning for Western food than Thai. Trust me.

Now, to the Indians. When I first walked along Patong I thought "Where are all the Thai people?". All the hawkers almost are Indian and man are they aggressive. They are all smiles and trying to shake your hand. When they have got it they don't let go and try to lead/drag you into their store. You have to physically yank your hand away. The worst thing though is the Australian accents. You walk past and they go "G'day mate! Suit mate?". They know a little of almost every language apparently. There were so many Australians there because it's winter back home and it's also the off season so it's very very cheap. So people just assume you are Australian. The whole place was just jam packed with horrible bogans and their horrible accents. I just wanted to block my ears and run away. Australians behave horribly overseas, especially in a resort location like Phuket. It just sets a bad example for everyone else. I'm a firm believer in behaving the same way on holiday as you would at home. Being on a holiday does not give you the right to be disrespectful and behave like a trollop/jerk. I got so sick of the Indian hawkers that I started telling them I was from Uzbekistan and Lithuania (to which one guy replied "Oh Lithuania! Jiggy Jiggy sexy boobs." Nice). This made it a little more annoying.

My sister love it there but Mr A and I was so relieved to get back to Bangkok. I breathed in the comparatively sweet smelling air, walked down the street unmolested and paid only 10 baht for my roadside fruit instead of 50. It made my realise how wonderful BKK is and how much I'm going to miss it when I leave. It will be a very very sad day.

I would recommend not going to Phuket to anyone who'd listen. There are a million nicer places to go like Hua Hin and Krabbi. Think about it a little before you book a trip, that all I'm saying. Oh and whatever you do, don't go to Fantasea. If you have ever seen a stage show at any stage before in your life, you will not be impressed. And definitely don't get the buffet. It's gross.

Just for giggles, here's a photo of Mr A feeding an elephant :P.

Round Round get Around how I get Around YEAH.

Photo by Stuck in Customs

Bangkok is a pretty huge spread out city. Luckily there are half a dozen or so easy ways to get around in relative comfort and ease. And for cheaps!

1. Taxis

Taxis are generally* the easiest way to get exactly where you want to go in the City. They are everywhere and there is hardly ever a shortage(*cough* Perth *cough*). The flag fall is only 35 baht and goes up in 2 baht increments. It's the only way to get from the airport. It can be a little bit confusing because you'll have a million people INSIDE the airport asking you if you need a taxi. Ignore them. They'll cost you twice as much. Head outside and find the desk that say public taxi and tell them where you are going. They'll set you up wit a driver and you're off. At the most it will cost you 400 baht to the city areas, including 2 tolls and a 50 baht airport fee. You even get a receipt. Make sure you know how far you are going in kms if you can and check fee the chart in the taxi. I have heard a few stories of "broken" meters going up twice as fast as they should. You also want to check that they turn on the meter anytime you get in a taxi. It's unusual that they don't but it pays to be careful.

Remember that you should almost never have to barter for a taxi. If you are in a really touristy area you might have them offer you a (ridiculous) price rather than a meter. Send them on their way and wait for the next one. This might also happen when it's raining. You can't really blame the taxi drivers for trying to make an some extra cash but it can be annoying. If there is no other taxi around you might have just bite the bullet and get in. But barter and bring the price down to something more reasonable. Especially if you know how much it should be.

In the end, taxis are air conditioned, comfortable and the drivers know where they are going. And so so cheap. You could use them all the time, all day every day and not go broke, unlike back home. It makes me feel a little posh being able to swan about with my own chauffeur all day. Tehehe.

*avoid taxis in peak traffic at all costs. Bangkok traffic is insane at peak hour. You will not get to where you're going on time and be sitting there for ever and ever in the bumper to bumper traffic. And it will cost you way more than it should.

2. BTS and MRT



Photo by bangkok_diary

The cheap, no traffic, air conditioned way to get around BKK are the above ground Bangkok Transit System and the below ground Mass Transit System. I use these the most, the BTS more so than the MRT, only because I live right near the Nana BTS station. The King is was one of the main supporters behind getting the train up and running to help Bangkok's chronic traffic problems (it's still awful! I can't even imagine how bad it was before). It will cost between 20-60 baht depending on the stop. Keep in mind the BTS and MRT use different tickets so they are non transferable. If you are here for more than a week, I'd recommend purchasing a Skypass for the BTS (I'm not sure what the equivalent is for the MRT, I don't use it enough). It will set you back 130 baht (approx. $4.60AUD) but that includes money you can use for fares. It makes it much easier and quicker to get into the station and the fares are cheaper too.

The down side to the BTS and MRT is that they don't go everywhere. There are 2 BTS lines and 1 MRT. But the up side of this it they are super easy to navigate. And they go to quite a few of the main tourist and shopping areas, namely Siam, Chitlom, National Stadium and Mo Chit. They also get super crowded during peak hour. But it the train is too crowded and you can't get on, there will be another along in a few minutes or so. You never have to wait long.

Definitely give it a go if you are here. It seriously make live so so so much easier when the traffic is terrible. I know some people are super snobby about public transport but please. Get over it. It's a great way to get around the city and it's better for the environment so suck it up. Oh and one more thing. Thai's will rush onto the train like their lives depend on it. It's just because they want a seat and you'll have to do the same if you want one!

3. Tuk-Tuks


Photo by iceviriya

I have already written a whole post on how much I loathe Tuk-Tuks. Since then I have found out that they get 90 baht for every place they take you to so just keep that in mind. But just to re-iterate, Tuk-Tuks are a lousy, smelly and complete rip off of a way to get around the city. Don't do it.

4. Motorbikes


Photo by reallygoodphoto

You'll see people on motorbike with little orange vests. These guys are motorcycle taxis. Now I am possibly biased because I have never been comfortable on the back of a motorbike and that I had an accident that totalled Sid (my bright yellow Vmoto). But these are Dangerous with a capital D for death. I use them only when I am running late for something and need to get to the BTS ASAP but that is a whopping 1 minute ride up my Soi. Mr A catches them all the time from his work to Mo Chit and a workmate has his own bike that he rides home every day (Mr A catches a lift with him sometimes too because he lives on our Soi). To be fair, they are very cheap and can't be beaten for speed in peak hour because they can zip between the cars. Thais catch them all the time. You'll see girls in skirts riding side saddle, not even holding on, checking their make-up with one hand and clutching a hand bag with the other. But here is why I don't like them.

You don't get a helmet. As a rational person, I like to keep my brains on the inside of my head in the event of a crash, which is the main function of a helmet. If you do get one, it's the equivalent of a bicycle helmet. Woo! I also like to keep all my limbs attached to my body. Most of the beggars you see in the street who are missing limbs are that way because they have been involved in a motorcycle accident. Bangkok traffic is INSANELY dangerous for motorcycles. I've seen three very nasty crashes since I've been here and considering I haven't seen one (aside from my own) the entire time I've been living in Perth, those ain't good odds.

If you want to take them you can. Like I said, they are cheap, great in peak hour and quick in a pinch. But for me, the risks just aren't worth it.

5. Buses


Photo by anormynous

I have only ever caught one bus in BKK ever so I can't tell you an awful lot about them. Like I said, I live right on the BTS so that's the most convenient thing for me. I do know they vary in price from about 7 baht to 35 baht depending on the route and what type of bus. They are great if you live somewhere with no BTS/MRT access. They are much less Farang friendly though with less signs in English so it may be harder to pick the right one. A few of my friends catch them and have never had any problems. They can be unreliable because of the BKK traffic but otherwise I can't see a problem with them aside for working out where you need to get off!!

6. Ferries


Photo by hn

This is my FAVOURITE way to travel in BKK. Cruising down the Chao Praya River. It's so cool and refreshing. The river is a little dirty and smelly but I don't care. It cost between 13 and 22 baht to go as many stops as you like one way. The ticket people are usually really friendly in helping you work out where you need to go and what ticket you need. I catch it from Sathorn (Central) Pier from Saphan Taksin on the BTS, usually to go to Wat Po for a massage and to pick up some flowers. It takes you right to a few of the most well known tourist spots such as Wat Po, Wat Arun and the Grand Palace along with China Town and Kao San Road (god knows why anyone stays there! It's so out of the way!). You need to take a cross river ferry to get to Wat Arun but there are lots of signs to let you know. It will set you back a whopping 3.50 baht. OH NOES!!! I can also recommend trying to get the Chao Praya Tourist Boat. If you get a good guide it can be very informative. You can also see all the shacks and temples along the river. Very interesting.

As with any form of public transport in Bangkok, the ferry can get very crowded. It can also be a little daunting jumping off the boat to the dock, especially if you have a pen chance for impractical foot like moi. When it's jam packed with nervous tourist who aren't sure where to get off and crowd the exits, it can be annoying too. But those are the only down sides to it. Otherwise it's just wonderful! It's like your in some old movie, like the African Queen!

These are just the ways to get around the main areas of Bangkok. It's all you would need if you're staying within the city limits. I shall do a post later about how to escape the daily grin and get out of the city. I hope you find this information helpful in getting around the BKK comfortably, without confusion and without getting ripped off!

A weekend away

Photo by Gsy Donkey

So the past weekend I got out of the grind and grime of Bangkok and went to Ko Samet. Ko Samet is the cheapest and closest beach island get away from the city. It's really fantastic and relaxing. And it will cost you next to nothing.

The best way to get there from BKK is by van. It's a little more expensive than the bus but totally worth it. You go to Victory Monument and just ask for a van that's heading to Ko Samet or Bang Phi. It should cost you about $200 baht for the 2 1/2 hour journey. You want to try and be there early-ish so you don't get stuck squished on the back seat (it's bad trust me). Once you get to Bang Phi pier, you take the ferry across to Samet. That costs 50 baht and takes around 30-45 minutes. At the Samet pier you jump on a ute (20 baht) which will take you all the way along the island to where ever you need to get off. You will need to pay to get onto the island (this is pretty standard all over Thailand; Ko Samet is classed a national park). It is 40-200 baht depending if you're a student or not.

Once you are actually there, you need to find somewhere to stay. All the cheap places don't take booking so you will just have to try your luck. Be careful in high season. Places book out quickly, expecially on the weekend. You may find yourself hiring a tent. I suggest Jep's. No air con but the bungalows are in the shade so it's not too hot. Plus they are crazy cheap, 300 baht a night (approx $10AUD). And then once that's all sorted out, you can start to have FUN!

Samet is really a relaxation island. There's not a lot of activities like some places aside from the norm (motorcycles, jet skis and snorkeling) so you are pretty much free to swim and Frisbee and all that jazz. The water is lovely and refreshing although strangely more salty than back in Oz. I'm not really sure why that is. There are tonnes of beach chairs you can lounge about on for a mere 25 baht a day. Bargain! Drinks are cheap too. This is the land of the bucket drinks. By bucket I mean, a kiddies sand castle bucket filled with booze for about $7 AUD. This does mean there are a hell of a lot of drunken idiots on Samet. Namely drunken foreigner idiots. But they can be ignored.

The only shitty thing about Samet is the food. I have found it to be a little bit so so at all the beach front. One think I can recommend is orange chicken and som tum. You'll see people walking up and down the beach carrying two baskets on a pole. Keep an eye out for for the ones that have a grill on one side and a mortar and pestle on one side. Get yourself some of the chicken and a big pile of som tum (god I love som tum). Unless you like your food really spicy, I suggest you ask for it mai pet (no chlli). There is usually enough chilli left in the mortar to add enough spice.

Oh and there are a lot of beach dogs but honestly, they are a lot cleaner and healthier than the dogs in Bangkok. They keep out of your way. Keep an eye out for a "white" dog (by white I mean, she has some white fur on her body along with some patches of skin and mange) . Her name is Cow, which means rice. She's the ugliest dog you have ever seen but she is well known on the island for protecting people when they are in trouble. I always try and give her some tidbits when go.

Oh and people please!!! Put on sunscreen! I see so many foreigners that look like lobsters. Get in the shade occasionally and please, please, PLEASE put on sunscreen every hour. I feel burnt just looking at them. And Scandinavians, quit sunbaking topless on the beach. I'm not a prude but I don't like seeing boobs when I go for a stroll. Plus I wouldn't want all the gross old men that hang about on Samet looking at my lovely lady humps. Speak of the devils, wearing g-string speedos is not okay for anyone, let alone 60 year old men. I don't want to see all you business and I'm sure many other people feel the same way.

It really is a great get away weekend from Bangkok (aside from the Old man arse) if you need a break from the hustle and bustle. It's way more laid back and friendly. A great place to unwind. And if you take the ferry back, you might get this awesome driver and his wife on the way back to Bang Phi. Drinkin' a Chang beer and gutting some fish. Enjoy!

Thailand Essentials

There are, in my mind, a few essential things needed when you come to Thailand. You might not agree with me on all of them but these are the things I use on a daily basis.

1. an umbrella. This may not seem very important in a place that has such lovely weather. But mine gets carried around with me everywhere for a reason. In the rainy season there are always sudden unexpected down pours (so pays to expect them at all times). In all other seasons it's pretty hot and sunny and you are half as particular as I am about my skin, you'll be wanting to carry a brolly with you on these days too. It functions as your own personal shade and stops you getting burnt. A lot of women (and men!) do it to so don't worry about looking odd or out of place (Westerners see wrinkles as the first sign of ageing but for Asians it's skin discolouration and freckles so they stay out of the sun to avoid it happening early). If anything you'll fit in more. I even take to the beach with me so I can go for walks and always be in the shade.

2. a fabulously huge sun hat. This does the the job of keeping me out of the sun when my umbrella isn't practical, like on the ferry and sitting outside to eat. Plus it makes me feel ultra glamorous. Nothing bad about that.

3. a gorgeous pair of bathers. This is actually something I don't have yet but I'm totally on the hunt for a great pair. I've always thought vintage style bathers are far more alluring than modern ones. I have my eye on these, these and these. Oh and these. So pretty, too hard to chose.

4. long sleeved cover up. This is important for a couple of reasons. It gives you instant skin coverage in case you are getting too much sun (if you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with keeping out of the UV). The other reason is, when you go into a lot of temples, you are not allowed to show your shoulders, sometimes even your arms*, because you need to demonstrate modesty to for the monks. But wearing this all day in the sweltering high Thai heat is both unpractical and unnecessary. Just pop the shirt in your bag and take it on and off as needed. Much better than the hassle and ick factor of borrowing clothes fro the temple.

*you'll also need to be wearing long pants/a skirt. This goes for guys too. Can't be showing those offensive ankles.

5. sunglasses. A MUST. You'll notice Thai people generally don't wear them. In fact, I have been made fun of quite a few times by Thai's for wearing mine "Hello, can you see me? ahahahahah!!". But I can't leave the house without them. What's the point of being all squinty all the time. All it does is give you wrinkles.

6. an adorable coin purse. You will accumulate a silly amount a coins. I find most purses and wallets are not equip for large amounts of shrapnel. I always like to use up my coins and give exact change (it's part of how I've been learning to count in Thai but more on that later). So my coin purse is invaluable. I use it so much, it's worn a hole in it.

7. high high high SPF sunscreen. I know I sound like a broken record (protect your skin RAAAAHHH) but it really is very important. The amount of foreigners I see, especially at the beach, burnt to a crisp is unbelievable. It's just soooo bad for you people. CANCER! I put sunscreen on 30 minutes before I leave the house no matter what I am doing or where I am going. At the beach I reapply it every hour and as soon as I get out of the water. Your skin will thank you.

8. face wipes. These are mostly a must for Bangkok. All the grime and filth in the air can really ingrain itself in you skin and it feels wonderful to was that muck off. These little babies just make it easy. They are also super convenient for the beach. TIP: keep then in the fridge for maximum refreshment, especially if you got to much sun at the beach (naughty naughty).

9. water and plenty of it. I think that explains itself really.

10. flat shoes. I walk everywhere. Walking around in high heels in Bangkok is a death sentence for you ankles. The pavement is all over the freaking place. Crack, holes, grates that are half fallen in, you name it I've seen it and walked over/around it. So if you're going to walk anywhere in BKK flat shoes are the safest and most comfortable option.

11. a hand fan. In case you haven't noticed yet, Thailand is freakin' hot. And not just hot, humid. So most foreigners sweat like pigs on spits. Fanning yourself just takes the edge off and stops you from looking like a drowning victim.

12. peppermint tea, my secret weapon. Don't get me wrong, Thai food is delicious. But it can upset you stomach like nobodies business. Not because of food poisoning but because of the spices. Most people just have a little trouble digesting so much ginger, garlic and chili. It can result in a painfully bloated belly. To counter this, I keep a huge jug strong, cold peppermint tea in the fridge. Fixes it up in no time. Brew some the night before in your hotel room and carry it round in a water bottle. You wont regret it.

Is there anything you think I should add?

This is completely gratuitous but I am completely obsessed with Polyvore. I would love to wear this to the beach! I consider that to a Thailand essential. Tehehehehehehe.

Hello Madam! Where you go?

photo by snowc

This is the call of ubiquitous Tuk-Tuk driver, a native of the Bangkok region but a pest that has spread to all urban areas in Thailand. They lure unsuspecting tourists in with their friendly faces and promises to take you around Bangkok for the whole day for a mere 10 baht (around .30 cents Aussie). But the poor tourist finds themselves being taken to the various nests of the Tuk-Tuk driver which include shitty souvenir shops and "gem" *cough* cut glass *cough* stores. While this leaves the Tourist relatively unharmed aside from perhaps, their wallet, it does leave them extremely pissed off and with a terrible idea of Bangkok. It, however, does not have to be this way.

I am a firm believer in doing a lot of research on your destination before you travel. And not just on sights to see and places to eat but on dangers and annoyances as well. This seems like common sense but if I had a dollar for every tourist I've heard complaining about Tuk-Tuk drivers, well, you know the rest.

Any guide book* will tell about how crappy Tuk-Tuks are. For those not in the know, a Tuk-Tuk is basically the result of a lawn mower and a motorcycle having babies (and what disappointed parents they would be). Add in some gaudy decorations to catch people's eye and you have a tourist trap on wheels. And of course tourist like to take them! They are honestly kind of fun. But you have to weigh up that cost with the possibility of having a pretty horrible day if you get a rip off merchant for a driver (which is almost always).

The basic con is this: The driver, friendly and all smiles, will come up to you and tell you he will take you round Bangkok for an hour, even the whole day, for some ridiculously low price. "AH ha!" thinks the tourist "What a bargain I have scored here. I am soooooo clever. Genius THIS Einstein!!". This is the first mistake. So the tourist goes on his/her merry way thinking about the AWESOME day he/she is going to have for 30 cents. AWESOME. Wrong. Poor little tourist might get taken to a few good spots. But he will also go to quite a few of the aforementioned places (souvenir and gem shops) and spend 10 minutes in there being annoyed and not wanting to buy anything because they are so annoyed. Them comes the inevitable bad opinion of Bangkok.

Admittedly, it is not all the Tuk-Tuk drivers fault. The reason they take you to these places is because the stores give the incentives like fuel vouchers just for bringing tourists there and commissions if you buy something. It doesn't make it any less annoying but it gives you more of an idea of what's going on. I have heard a few stories (possibly urban myths spread by the Tuk-Tuk drivers themselves to make tourists more trusting) of people having a nice day on one of these bargain all day rides, only having to go to one or two shops-o-crap before being taken places that they actually want to go to. On the flip side, I have heard just as many stories of people getting taken to half a dozen shops before being turfed out wherever the driver feels like.

If you do manage to find Tuk-Tuk that's not trying to rip you off by taking you on a "tour", they will cost you at least 3x what a lovely, clean and air conditioned taxi will. Tuk-Tuks don't run on a meter like the Taxis do, you have to barter. They use far less petrol than taxis, being a 2 stroke motor and all, and you have to sit in the open, lead loaded air. For locals they are cheaper. This is definitely not the case for tourists. The ones on my soi wont get get off their butts take me from the supermarket to my house (about a 10 minute walk tops) for less than 50 baht. A motorcycle taxi** is 10 baht and ad taxi is 35. I know I sound like a total miser, but it all adds up. Plus it just plain annoys me.

So, for my money, Tuk-Tuks are just not worth the hassle in my opinion. If you get get one to take you somewhere for a reasonable price then go for it! They are kinda fun. But be careful. It you get an bad driver it can seriously ruin your day. I've personally never been conned but that's because I actually read up on BKK before I came here. Here's a few tips to help you deal with Tuk-Tuks.

- If it seems to good to be true, it is. If you don't have to barter then you will get ripped off.

- If the driver is carrying a tourist map, don't approach him. You will get ripped off.

- Stay away from the Tuk-Tuks in really touristy areas. You will get ripped off.

- Don't listen to drivers in the touristy areas if they approach you and tell you the sight you are about to see is closed till 3/closed for a Buddhist holiday/monk protesting outside. Then he will kindly offer to take you somewhere else for 10 baht! WOW! Stop. Walk away, you are about to be ripped off.

I hope this helps if you ever come to Bangkok and have to deal with those damn Tuk-Tuks *shakes fist*.

* don't even get me started on how much I hate the Lonely Planet Thailand book. It is missing so much information. Save your money and research everything online before you come here.

** Motorcycle taxis are very dangerous and are the reason you see a lot of missing limbs in Thailand. Never take them more than a short distance. More on this later.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

These little guys are Soi dogs, Bangkok's homeless dog population (Sois are the side streets that run off main roads). Soi dogs would be in the top 5 list of "Things that Freak Tourists Out". They are pretty mangy and gross. They all perfectly embody the word "Mongrel". You could never pick any kind of pedigree in them. They are usually pretty skinny too and infested with parasites. Aside from scraps in the garbage, they are mostly fed by school kids snacking on their way home and street food vendors packing up for the day. Some of them do have "Owners" meaning they hang round one family/person more than others. A couple even have collars.

It's a bit fashionable in Thailand at the moment to have a puppy. Who doesn't like puppies?? They are cute and little and don't eat much. But of course, puppies get bigger, less cute and eat more. So they get turfed onto the street and get replaced by a newer model. So these poor, house raised dogs have to learn to fend for themselves on the street quick smart or they're toast. They have to fight for food with each other, find somewhere to hide and sleep and negotiate the crazy Bangkok traffic. I swear, some of these dogs are better at crossing the road than me.

Soi dogs aren't as dangerous as most people might think. They are usually too hot and tired to bother with you (Soi dogs will sleep almost anywhere there is shade, including the road with the traffic whirling by). Most of the time you can walk on by without even getting a glance. I would worry if the dog is foaming at the mouth and has a crazy look in it's eyes (rabies is still pretty prevalent here). Lots of people report attacks by Soi dogs every year and get rabies shots. But, on the flip side, most of these people have only been licked by them and then panic. I do genuinely feel bed for these dogs. Sometimes I feel like carrying round a huge bag of Smackos and throwing them out to the dogs like some sort dried meat product wielding saint. This would be completely impractical because a) I'd get followed home and b) I'd get mobbed. They estimate there are around 150,000 homeless dogs in Bangkok.

But it's not all bad for the Soi dogs. The King himself haa taken an interest. He adopted his own Soi dog to set an example for Thai people to do the same. There are groups of monks that go out and catch the dogs and then turn them over to vets who de-flea, de-tick and neuter them before letting them back out into the streets. This has helped to reduce the population of homeless dogs. These vets donate their time and a considerable amount of cash out of their own pockets. They are even starting to use soi dogs as police sniffer dogs. The do put them down, but only if they are very sick. Thai people believe that dogs are people who have lived wicked previous lives so think it's not right to kill them. But at the same time, this is part of the reason people don't feel bad turning them out into the street.

It's nice to see the Thai government and people starting to look out for their animals, in their own way of course. I actually think soi dogs, through all their mange, are quite cute. Thai dogs always seem to look like they're smiling. And if they can be happy with how they live, perhaps we can learn something from them.