It's good to be King

Not Elvis silly! King Bhumibol Adulyadej, the King of Thailand! a few weeks ago it was his 81st birthday (meant to write this post much much earlier!). All of Thailand turns yellow to celebrate it, as that is his colour. It's pretty amazing. Everyone in Thailand loves him. He is almost a religion is his own right. This year, he was too sick to attend hi birthday celebration. His Son and daughter came instead. Some of my friends work at the palace school where the ceremony is held and they said people were devastated. Thai's had travelled from all over the country to see him. People were crying and consoling each other, not because they missed out on seeing him, but because he was sick. That's how much they love him.

He's the 9th Rama of Thailand. He's 81 years old and has been reigning for 60 years! WOAH! That makes him the longest reigning living Monarch. He actually took over from his brother, who died suddenly (and a little mysteriously depending on who you talk to) when he was 20. Rama really is a king of the people. In his younger days, he was actively involved in a lot of charity work and would actually get out to visit they people and see things for himself. He's also a very progressive thinker and helped make Bangkok a little more modern with the introduction on the BTS system. Rama 9 also banned logging in Thailand and since then the forested areas have gone from 20% to 30%. Once they reach 40%, elephants can start being re-released into the wild! He has done so many good things for Thailand.

Oh he's also a great musician and there are several radio station devoted to playing just the music he has composed and performed. He has also help to raise awareness for the plight of soi dogs in Thailand by adopting his very own in the hopes it will encourage Thais to do the same.



Sadly, he spends a lot of his time these days at Hua Hin, an affluent area on the coast. He's been pretty unwell for a while now. He has to use a walker. I am glad I'm leaving Thailand before he dies (fingers cross). His son is quite unpopular with the people. He is apparently a bit of a philanderer. They would rather one of the princesses take the throne as they have continued his charity work and seem to have Thailand's best interests at heart. The law has recently been changed so the princesses can assume the throne so there might be hope for the royal family yet! But there will be immense amounts of grieving is Thailand when the King passes away. If you work for the palace, you have to wear black for a year. Many people in Thailand will do the same to show respect for him. It's very touching.

If you come to Thailand you will see pictures of him everywhere. Every home will have one at the very least. Try to refrain from pointing at pictures of the royal family and don't speak badly about them in public. You could very easily offend a Thai person who overhears you. It's like insulting a member of their family!

After all, he is the father of modern Thailand.

HA HA HA

(this photo was too disturbing not to post!)

There is a funny little joke in Thailand that amuses me. In Australia, we tend to use LOL when we think something is funny (not me. I hate text talk but anyways!). But in Thailand if something is funny they write this: 555

Why you ask?

Because 5 in Thailand is Ha. So 555 = Ha Ha Ha!!! I think it's awesome! This doesn't even really warrant it's own post but I couldn't think of another place to slip it in. So there you have it! Now your in on the joke if your Thai friend sends you a message!

555!!!

A very Clara Christmas

This year marks my second Christmas in Asia. Last year I had a very Japanese Chrisamasu, KFC and creamy Christmas cake and all. This year of course, I am in Bangkok. I was pretty bummed because we didn't have a tree (I have the most beautiful glass decorations at home) but I was cheered up immensely by helping my American friends decorate theirs. We did that a few weeks ago aided by some of my cinnamon hot chocolate. And the polar bear hats of course!!!!

Then on Christmas eve we had a little "family" get together at Kim, Nick and Morgans. Kim made some delicious chicken and broccoli pasta, some salad and provided the wine. I made some gingerbread men!




We decided to do a little secret Santa instead of individual presents for everyone. Marisa was my Santa!



She got me a super cute tea set and some patches! Loved them!




It was a really fun night! We drank wine, played charades (we finally kicked the boys butts!), talked to Kim's parents on skype, played dress ups with Morgan and Marisa's ridiculous Santa and Mrs Claus costumes and had cushion races down the hallway!


Thai style posing.




the bearded lady


We call him Sven.

Mr A and I slept in (with the exception of my sister calling at 6 am - urrrggghh) and got up around 10.30 for presents. He got me this adorable strawberry shaped pot with matching bowls and a cookie cook book! Some of my presents still haven't arrived from the Internet so I get double presents! Yay!!



I got Mr A a bunch of retro tin toys he'd been eyeing off for a while.



We then indulged in some deliciousness in the form of Crepes and Co and their delicious cheese fondue crepe and Moroccan mint tea. MMMmm. We got home to the lovely present of almost having our power shut off due to Mr A's inept receptionist and spent 2 hours wrestling with them over the phone. We managed to get them to hold off on cutting the power ill the next day. PHEW!

In the evening we caught up with Ms Morgan for some Japanese buffet and ice skating. I put on my more festive, chrissmassy outfit! The buffet at Shabu Shi was delicious. It's always good! A little odd for Christmas though!





After stuffing ourselves silly with sushi we went to the top floor to go ice skating. To our horror, some Scrooge had hired the whole venue out on Christmas. This photo best expresses my disappointment.



So we decided to go bowling instead. It was really fun! I am the worlds worst bowler!! We were in the Christmas bowling spirit!





Bowling butt shots!!!







Craziness!!!




We played 2 games and after scoring a miserable 57 in the first game, I won the next one with 109!



I can do it!!!!

I had an excellent Christmas. Different but excellent. I will confess, I am looking forward to finally having one at home next year. My own tree, my lovely cat and family. Yay!

Have a great New Years everyone!!

How RUDE!

Dear construction workers on my soi,

I am writing to you about a matter that until now I found ignorable. I know you have a shitty job and need some entertainment but I would like to inform you that that is, in fact, not me. I get annoyed enough when you stare at my boobs, talk very obviously about them in Thai and even make gestures that are clearly about my boobs when all I am trying to do it get to the BTS at the end of the street. It's disgusting an makes me very mad and self conscious. I understand Thai women don't really have big boobs but that it no excuse.

Today, however, you actually made me cry. I couldn't believe how horrible it was, even for you pigs. You walked behind me pretending to be a fat person. Cheeks puffed out, arms spread wide, bow legged walk, the whole fat impersonation shebang. And then laughing in my face when I turned around to catch you in the act. No sorry, no "kathoid na krup", nothing.

I am appalled. I let you get away with it once. Next time I will break your noses. Don't think I won't. Have some respect. I only wish I knew how to cuss you out so bad in Thai that your great grandfather would be offended. You are all filthy, horrid pigs and I hate you.

Yours sincerely

Clara

xoxoxoxoxox

Not So Turkey Day!

So you have heard about a million times already about my lovely American friends over here who keep me sane. It great having them, not only for friendship but experiencing new and exciting things! Case and point: Thanksgiving! I was so excited! I always liked the look of American holiday food (my family don't really celebrate anything much) so was really excited to see what everyone would bring! Of course I forgot to take photos as per usual so I pinched these from Morgana!


My chickens! Turkey was way too expensive so I vetoed it. This is my favourite recipe, although you don't want to make it too often. You stuff the breast with herb butter so it's super fatty but I figured it was a special occasion.




Kitchen bitches Morgan and Kim, complete with adorable aprons!



The FEAST! Well, actually about half of it. The dessert is on another table.

Here's what we had:

Herb roast chicken (me)
Apple cider glazed pork roast (me)
Gravy (me - best gravy I have ever made)
Roast garlic (me)
Goats cheese and pear salad (Kim)
Cranberry and apple stuffing (Kim -
it was so good!)
Jalapenos mashed potatoes (Nick - super delicious!)
Sweet potato casserole (Morgan - it's some crazy arse southern dish but OMG it's good!)
Jalapeno Corn bread (Morgan)
Rolls (me! That's right, I made bread!)
Marisa was supposed to bring veggies but she turned up after everything was cooked. But she also had the ice cream for dessert which consisted of:

Apple crumble pie (me)
Sticky rice (Dwight)
Fruit salad (Cayla)
Cinnamon cupcakes with cranberry glaze and cream cheese icing (me)
Rum ball and cookies (Natsuko)

We were crazy stuffed full afterwards. I was a great night. Two people turned up without food which was kinda annoying because everyone had put so much effort in and they just mooched. Especially when one of them bragged about going to three thanksgivings! Grrrrr! But what can you do. We ended the night watching hilarious Japanese game show clips on youtube. Naturally!

Loy Loy Kratong!

A few weeks ago here in Thailand, we celebrated the Loy Kratong festival. I was super excited because I seem to have managed to miss every major Thai festival and holiday since I've been here. Loy Kratong is a celebration of the river. People take flower wishing rafts down to the river, light the candles/incense/sparklers and set them afloat. It looks so pretty,all the flowers and lights floating on the water. We (being the usual suspects Nick, Kim, Morgan and Marisa) decided to go to the reflecting pool at the local university instead of the river because a) we knew where it was, unike the river where we weren't sure where we could and couldn't go to release the kratongs and b) figured it might be less crowded. WRONG! it was super crowded and took us forever just to get through the gates. But everyone was in such a festive mood that we didn't really care!

Here is myself and Mr A with our kratong. Apologies for my sleepy/sick look. I had a wicked chest infection that was not being helped by the Bangkok air or all the incense smoke.
Here's Nick and Kim being their adorable selves putting their kratong in the water. There were so many! It was stunning.

Later we bought sparklers and ran around waving them in the air like 5 year olds. Good times were had by all!

I was just really glad to be able to celebrate a Thai holiday! I'm happy it was one that was so pretty!

Pudt Pasa Ungrit Mai Ka

Thai is one hell of a confusing language. I am probably the last person who should be writing about this because my Thai is about on par with a two year old. But I wish I'd read up on it a little more before I came instead just picking up a Teach Yourself Thai! (the exclamation is needed. These things always seem to want to make you super excited about learning and of course, that's the best way to do it) CD and hoping for the best. I did want to try and get conversational before I left but I found it difficult to make Thai friends in my situation so I kinda lost the motivation. Also, it's so easy for foreigners here because English is everywhere. I'll admit it, I was just too darn lazy. Plus the chances of me ever using it again are pretty much slim to none.

Like I said, Thai is a confusing language. It's tonal to begin with, which means different tones on different parts of the same word mean different things. You might think you're asking for rice but you're actually talking about your leg. There are also quite a few sounds that we don't really make in the English language like bp, dt, ng and bpl. There are also long and short vowels that differentiate words. Plus, there are masculine and feminine words, most the ending of sentences, krup for men and ka for women. Crazy times! I know your probably thinking"OH GOD! run away! run away now!". But fear not! Here are some tips and tricks I have picked up that should make learning Thai a little easier for you.

1. Learn to read it before you speak it.

Thai, unlike a lot of Asian languages (Chinese=OMG ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY! You do not need 3000 letters!) has an alphabet. The characters are crazy and look really confusing but are easy once you know what they all stand for. There are 59 letters and 4 tones. The vowels (there are 15) are combined together to make various vowel sounds (oua, oi etc. They are not all pronounced the same as in English). I would recommend getting a pocket sized book and carrying it with you everywhere and try and read everything! You might not understand what everything means but to will give you and idea of the sentence structures and you will learn new word, things like exit and or no smoking that you see everyday. They might not always be useful but everything helps!

2. Count everything.

The most important thing to learn in Thai is numbers as far as I'm concerned. So make this one of the first things you learn, along with the obvious hello, thank you etc. And when you do, count everything. I would count my steps as I was walking, my strokes in the swimming pool, the amount of people on the train EVERYTHING! Some Thai people probably thought I was cray on the few occasions I would count out loud "neung, sorng, sahm, see, ha". I found this really helpful in remembering it all.

3. When you learn a word, use it!

This is the biggest struggle for me. I do not have a head for languages. I would spend an hour a day when I first got here jabbering along with the CD and as soon as I stopped, I'd already forgotten everything! But, if I use things that I learn straight away, I find I retain it a lot better. For example, I have no idea how to say where is the toilet, but I can ask where the Chinese embassy is, because I used that. I doubt this is the same for everybody and that I'm just a little slow with languages but I thought I'd throw it in anyway.

4. Make Thai friends.

And just talk to people in general. They are usually thrilled that you want to learn their language and are happy to help. Don't be disheartened if people giggle at you when you try and speak Thai. I am assured that they just think you're cute. Speaking Thai with Thais is also the best way to learn the language properly. I find that CDs and the such like teach a very formal version of Thai that no one really uses.

Here are a couple of words you will definetly need in Thailand. Please keep in mind that Thai people generally will not understand Thai written in English letters.

No = Mai krup/ka (m/f)
Yes = krup/ka (m/f)
Hello = Sawatdee krup/ka (m/f)
Thank you = Kup kun krup/ka (m/f)
Turn left = Leo sai
Turn right = Leo kwa
Go straight = Dtong bai
How much? = Tow lai krup/ka (m/f)
Don't want! = Mai ow!
Drinking water please = Kor nam pow krup/ka (m/f)

This is referred to as taxi Thai or tourist Thai because it's usually all foreigner pick up when they are here. Another little thing to remember is it's always polite to end your sentences with krup/ka. I hope this has been helpful for anyone wanting to learn Thai. I'm no expert but these are all the things I've found that made it that little bit easier.

Dear PAD

I see have made a mistake in thinking you are, deep down, rational people who will come to your senses and realise how silly you are being. As it turns out, you are crazy fooligans who do not deserve my faith. Where do I even begin in telling you how stupid you are being.

I know you feel cheated and angry that Somchai was elected. I get it. I felt the same way when that damn gnome of a man got voted back in as our Priminster 4 years ago. I was super sad as I beheaded one of my John Howard gingerbread men (I had and election party and made the cookies so everyone could have fun mangling Johnnie boy all night). But here is where we differ. I didn't start a riot. Why you ask? Because he was democratically elected. As much as I hated it, the people of Australia decided that's what they wanted and that was that. The best I could do was not support his terrible policies and not vote for him again the next time. Somchai was democratically elected by the people of Thailand. Your people. Do you see where I'm going with this?

So, even though he has just been elected, you seem to think he is already corrupt. He is going to steal money from the budget and the Thai people, just like Taksin. Word up PAD. You're costing Thailand and it's people 3 billion baht A DAY! That equates to $300 000 USD. People losing work, people can't get their products out to the world, airlines are losing money, tourism is almost at a stand still and well, you get the idea. You are doing the same thing you are alleging the government will do at some point! Hypocrisy in action. I know that you say this is Somchai's fault and if he'd just step down you'd leave and all this money would be saved but you have caused the problem in the first place.

1 millions Thais will lose their jobs next year because of the damage you've done. I hope your happy about that. Can you really live with that? And I see you are threatening violence now. Oh and taken a hostage. Showing everyone how sensible you are hmm?

You are thugs, you are criminals, YOU ARE TERRORISTS! You are stopping tourists getting home to their jobs, their families and their lives. You damaging your own country. Congratulations on making your country the mot dangerous in the world. Idiots. There are better, more democratic ways of going about getting your point of view across. Come to your senses and get the HELL out of the airport(s).

Sincerely

Clara

p.s. If you could get out by Thursday so I could actually go on my holiday to China that would be greatly appreciated. Morons.

I wish I'd known!!!! Chinese visa HELL!

I just spent this morning in the hell that is the Chinese embassy in Bangkok. I thought I'd share my experience with you because I wish I'd known before I got there. Mr A and I are going to China at the beginning of December and obviously need visas, hence why I went to purgatory.

Before I start, I'll just say that the actual visa process is easy. You have to wait for an hour or so but it's simple and straight forward. You need one photo and a passport and a single entry is 1100 baht. You pay when you pick it up. Easy.

Getting there is not so easy. The address on the website it not entirely accurate. It says 57 Ratchdapiasek Road when it should actually tell you it's on the corner of Ratchda and Soi 3. I spent an extra 10 minutes in the taxi trying to work this out. It also didn't help that the driver kept insisting I was going to a hotel or condo when I'd told him (in terrible Thai) that I was going to the embassy. The actual embassy is on the right of Soi 3 but the building that you get your visa is on the left. I managed to pick up two other lost foreigners who were trying to find it as well. We walked in together and the security guard flashed us the smile that I've come to know all too well. It says "Here come another bunch of suckers".

"You here for visa?" he said. We nodded. He asked to see our passports, which I thought was a bit odd but assumed they perhaps recorded the name of everyone who goes in and out. It is the embassy after all. After ascertaining our nationalities, he gave us the visa forms and said "He'd sort it out for us". I was starting to smell a rip off. I got about half way don't filling out my form and he tried to stop me, and the other guys I was with, from filling out the rest saying "I will do, I will fix.". I told him politely that I would like to fill out the rest of my form thank you. Then 3 or 4 other guys came in all trying to take our forms and passports. "We fix, we fix! No problem!!". I asked them at this point how much the visas were. The said 2000 baht, 900 baht more than I knew it was supposed to be. I told them no and asked for another form for Mr A. The guy grabbed a form for me and then grabbed the passports off me, without me even having filled out Mr A's info and told me to come back in 4 days and that would be 4000baht thanks. Well I snatched them right back and told him I wanted to do it myself. As if I'm going to give a complete stranger my passport and pay an extra 900 baht ($35AUD) for the privilege!!! He shot me a absolutely filthy look and told me to go upstairs. Which I promptly did!

This wasn't on the street. This was inside the embassy, the security guard of the embassy no less! What the deuce!!! Luckily I've lived here long enough to smell a con coming but I can't imagine how many tourists they dupe everyday, pocketing 900 baht from each rip off. Ridiculous! It made me so mad!

I know this is a really boring post but it's something I really wish I'd been aware of before I went. If I can save one person from the rip off I'll be happy. Just remember, if it seems dodgy or to good to be true, in Bangkok, is definitely is.

Don't!

Before you visit any country, you should do a little research to find out about the culture and see if there is anything you do that might offend or be illegal. Here are a few you should be aware of.

1. Don't point your feet at Buddha or anyone for that matter. Feet are considered the lowest, dirtiest party of the body so to point them is considered especially rude and disrespectful. Inversely, don't touch people on the head, the highest and holiest part of the body.

2. Don't touch monks, especially if you're a woman. If you want to give a monk something, give it to a male companion first and get him to pass it on. Also, always let them go before you and offer them space to stand on the ferry.

3. Don't be naked. This seems like a no brainer but I still see naked peeps every time I go to the beach. Thais, despite the stereotype as a highly sexualized nation, are generally very conservative about their bodies. Public nakedness is a big no no. So when you go to the gym, don't get changed in front of everyone. There are little change rooms you can go into. And for heavens sake! Don't sun bake topless at the beach. I know you don't want tan lines but get over it. Tanning is bad for you anyway. I am talking about guys here too though! I see men (hairy, sweaty, fat men at that) walking around with no shirt on. This is also offensive.

4. Don't point at pictures of the King or talk about the royal family in public. Everyone, and I mean everyone, in Thailand loves the King. Pointing at him is considered rude and talking about the family is actually illegal. If you must point out a picture of the King (they are everywhere) use an open palmed gesture.

5. Don't bring in anything related to "The King and I". Strange I know and I have no idea why you'd bring anything unless you're a die hard fan that can't live without it, but anything to do with the King and I is illegal here. It portrays Rama IV or Phrabat Somdet Phra Poramen Maha Mongkut, Phra Chom Klao Chaoyouhua and was very shocking when it first came out in Thailand because of it's inaccurate portrayal of the King and his relationship with a foreigner.

6. Don't litter, spit or drop cigarette butts, even if you see Thai people doing it. It's very illegal and you'll get a nasty fine if a policeman sees you. Plus it's dirty anyway and gives foreigners a bad name.

7. Don't dress like a skanky hoochie Mamma or a complete Bogan at temples. You MUST cover up at temples. So pants and shirts that cover your shoulders are required. Women AND men!!

8. Don't do drugs mmmkay. They are really, really, REALLY illegal here.

And just generally be polite and friendly not a stupid, loud, ignorant tourist. There are far too many here already!

Moneypenny. Miss Moneypenny.

The ladies and I were still sick with the dressing up bug after Halloween so when the new James Bond came out (before the US may I add) we decided to go as Bond Girls. I picked up these awesome glasses last week so being a sexy secretary ala Miss Moneypenny seemed right up my alley.

Us with the Aston Martin. mmmmmm. Aston Martin. Kim is Kissy Kazuki (James Bond's baby mama) and Morgan as Pussy Galore (the lesbian cement mixing ex trapeze artist)!!!


Here we are with the man himself. Ohh Daniel Craig. You're such a hottie Mc Hot Hot pants! Those bluer than blue eyes get me everytime. Oh and Nick dressed up as Odd Jobb. It was super super fun and the movie was pretty good too. Not the best. But pretty good. Oh and here are Toby and Mr A in their "costumes" as the bag holders for the photos. That's what they get for not dressing up!!!